


god has left the chat

by whimsicalbabe



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Group chat, M/M, expect dad jokes, hoshi is a bad influence on chan, im not funny just delusional, jun & joenghan are problematic, seokmin is cute tm, vernon has a soundcloud, very inapropiado, wonwoo & joshua r good husbands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 08:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12790887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalbabe/pseuds/whimsicalbabe
Summary: a single dad and his 12 dumbass kids





	1. broski

**_leader has started a group chat_ **

**leader:** hyd my children

 **intellectual:** Hey

 **god:** dad i’m hungry

 **intellectual:** I’m cooking rn shh

 **god:** i didn’t ask you tho

 **intellectual:** Oh.

 **yoshi:** AHXZSGBJNK

 **yoshi:** dropped my phone my bhad

 **eissah:** hi bitch

 **cute™:** WHEEZ

 **peekaboo:** hey guys! ^~^

 **fangyu:** we live in the same house but k

 **eissah:** ^^

 **lovingmother:** ALL of you shut up please

 **leader:** wtf

 **cute™:** wtf

 **fangyu:** wtf

 **chan:** wtf

 **eissah:** wtf

**intellectual has changed lovingmother’s user to snake**

**snake:** I am trying to SLEEP

 **snake:** OK but no ones cares ab jun

 **god:** :^)

 **jfromla** it’s 3 o’clock though

 **lilvern:** really? ‘jfromla’ lol

 **jfromla:** ok but…lil vern

 **lilvern:** broski 

**jfromla:** the broscience behind our broness is unbromarkable

 **fangyu:** got to go

**_fangyu has left the chat_ **

**snake** : where are you my beloved

 **jfromla:** at the store, anyone want anything?

 **leader:** we need milk

 **lilvern:** seungkwan needs a new charger apparently his got eaten by the garage disposal

 **chan:** intradesting 

**yoshi:** i need everything with high fructose syrup in it

 **leader:** uh no

 **cute™:** agreed

 **yoshi:** WACK

 **Jihoon:** Hi, sorry for replying late. I was writing down some lyrics.

 **eissah:** much poetry

 **lilvern:** *prayer hands*

 **god:** wonwoo made rice for me it’s so good i love a whole man tears have hit the floor

 **intellectual:** I love you too

 **eissah:** what’s a snuggie? a fan asked if i wanted one with a kermit print on it 

**eissah** : ps fuk u I coulda done better cooking skills 10/10

 **Jihoon:** Basically a blanket with sleeves.

 **yoshi:** relatable

 **chan:** they want anything in return??

 **eissah:** yeah nudes

 **cute™:** LOL

**_cute™ has added fangyu back in the chat_ **

**fangy:** I was watching a lifetime movie, what did I miss?

 **fangyu:** CHOKBSKSKK

 **cute™:** LMAOSNSO

 **snake:** jisoo get me a cat PLZ

 **jfromla:** ok so a cat, a phone charger and some milk got it

 **fangyu:** WHY WOULD A FAN ASK FOR DAT

 **eissah:** idk

 **cute™:** why wouldnt they? ya catch my drift mingyu ;)

 **fangyu:** if I could curse you in multiple languages I would

 **chan:** can i film that

 **yoshi:** we can post it on my secret youtube channel

 **god:** why do you have a secret youtube channel ;)

 **leader:** in this house we worship pristin, god,  & the holy spirit

 **cute™** : weewoo

 **leader:** boppest of all the bops

 **lilvern:** *prayer hands*

 **eissah:** should i tho?

 **fangyu:** $/ &-@“)!?.,

 **yoshi:** me when i use my secret youtube channel

 **god:** heyyy wonwoo

 **intellectual** : No.

 **god:** what the heck 

**jfromla:** been there done that haha

 **intellectual:** Too much info

 **jfromla:** ok

 **eissah:** i really want the snuggie

 **eissah:** u think a signed shirtless photo is ok??

 **fangyu:** kmskabskdnsl

 **yoshi:** ya good

**_intellectual removed fangyu from the chat_ **

**intellectual:** He needs to reprogram

 **chan:** I knew it

 **chan:** he’s too handsome

 **eissah:** ^^

 **god:** :0

 **jfromla:** ayyy I’m back from the store!!

 **snake:** this is NOT a cat 

**leader:** I can finally make hot cocoa

 **jfromla:** yeah they were out of real cats

 **snake:** I think we should see other ppl

 **jfromla:** woop there it is

 **lilvern:** brooo my new song on soundcloud is lit

 **jfromla:** pls speak in korean no else speaks english here 

_**jfromla has added fangyu back in the chat** _

**eissah:** i can barely read korean

 **cute™:** excuse me im fluent in english

 **fangyu:** uh me too

 **jfromla:** ok what did hansol say?

_**an hour later** _

**fangyu:** brother, a new song is in the clouds 

**cute™:** i think its poetic really

 **lilvern:** seungkwan lost his phone

 **snake:** ok and…?

 **leader:** c’mon everyone help find his phone

 **snake** : N O

 **yoshi:** why not lol

 **leader:** bc he’s always on that damn phone

 **intellectual:** Um technically we all are

 **leader:** respect your elders


	2. so off key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> overuse of caps lock and kelly clarkson

**_god has sent a image_ **

**_god has sent a image_ **

**_god has sent a image_ **

**_god has sent a image_ **

**_god has sent a image_ **

**eissah:** u ruined my appetite lol

 **intellectual:** Jun, it’s 7 in the morning 

**god:** ik good morning beautiful 

**god:** minghao ur the definition of cringe

 **eissah:** oops

 **snake:** STFU

 **god:** U STFU

 **snake:** GET UR SMILEY LOOKIN ASS AWAY FROM ME SOME PPL LIKE TO SLEEP

 **god:** WELL SOME PPL DONT LIKE TO BE CRUSTY AND SLEEP IN TILL NOON

 **snake:** GTFOH THINKIN U HOT SHIT WITH UR MICROSCOPIC EARRING

 **god:** THE ONLY THING THATS MICROSCOPIC IS UR DICK

**snake:** LIES

 **snake:** WE ALL KNOW MY DICK POPS THE FEELING SO GO ELSE WHERE

 **leader:** I stg if you guys don’t shut up I’ll confiscate both of your selfie sticks

 **god:** omg

 **god:** I’m sorry dad

 **snake:** fuk u

 **jfromla:** he’s had four bowls of cocoa puffs he’s not himself rn

 **jfromla:** I apologize 

**snake:** jisoo get a life

 **yoshi:** i know a guy for tgat

 **chan:** is dat the one i met??

 **yoshi:** nah but he’s dope too

 **Jihoon:** You two make me very concerned.

 **eissah:** y jun  & jeonghan always bickering lol

 **snake:** wym that’s my bitch

 **jun:** heartu heartu

 **fangyu:** for the love of god it’s too early for this

 **god:** but fr did u guys like my selfies  
;3

 **leader:** wonwoo

 **intellectual:** Got it

**_intellectual has removed god from the chat_ **

**leader:** sighs, since I’m up I’ll make breakfast 

**eissah:** ay ill help 

**peekaboo:** morning guys!! I finally found my phone :)))

 **lilvern:** morning seungkwan 

**peekaboo:** oh hi how are you? did you sleep well? i slept fine the sun is raising. hues of orange and purple are mixing together in the sky beautifully. its the beginning of a wonderful day. i love being alive. ok i need to stop now-

 **cute™:** PTFF 

**lilvern:** yeah i slept fine

 **fangyu:** why did I step in eggs…

 **leader:** bc I just wanna be a good dad but my special snowflake sons are trying me

 **fangyu:** hell are they listening to??

**_leader added god back into the chat_ **

**god:** UMMM why are they dying?!??

 **yoshi:** WHEN THE DAAAY IS LONGGG AND THE NIGHT THE NIGHT IS YOURSS ALONEEE

 **chan:** WHEN YOUR SURE YOUVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS LIFE WELL HANG ONNNN DONT LET YOURSELF GOOO

 **yoshi:** CAUSE EVERYBODY CRIESSS AND EVERYBODY HURTSSS SOMETIMES

 **eissah:** sounds familiar lol

 **Jihoon:** So off key. It’s hurting my ears.

 **jfromla:** who hurt y’all 

**god:** woozi missed the indirects lmaosos

 **cute™:** IM DEAD

 **fangyu:** k jimmy fallon

 **snake:** fr tho who TF gave them access to kidzbop????

 **yoshi:** CUZ EVERYBODY HURTSSSS TAKE COMFORT IN YOUR FRIENDSSSS

 **chan:** EVERYBODY HURTSSS DOOOONT THROW YOUR HANDSSS  
OH NO

 **leader:** why can’t you guys be like that with pristin :’(((

 **jfromla:** wth why’d you skip to the chorus

 **intellectual:** I have a headache now

 **god:** about. to. catch. these. hands

 **intellectual:** Calm down remember what happened last time?

 **god:** that was nothing~

 **snake:** nooo dat shit was hilarious 

**fangyu:** i’m going back to sleep

**_fangyu has left the chat_ **

**leader:** why did I make this chat again?

 **eissah:** they changed the song

 **eissah:** it’s kinda catchy 

**yoshi:** WHAT IS THIS FEELIN TAKIN OVERRR THINKIN NO ONE COULD OPENNN THE DOORRR

 **chan:** SURPRISE ITS TIME TO FEEL WHATSSS REAL

 **yoshi:** WHAT HAPPENED TO MISSSS INDEPENDENT NO MORE NEED TO BE DEFENSIVE 

**chan:** GOODBYE OLD YOUU WHEN LOVE IS TRUEEE

 **Jihoon:** Please stop.

 **yoshi:** HYE my voice isn’t that bad

 **Jihoon:** It’s great when it’s not off key.

 **yoshi:** oh thx,,,

 **leader:** hoshi, hun, my beautiful child

 **yoshi:** yea

 **leader:** stay away from chan

 **yoshi:** wTF

 **leader:** he’s a good boy always has been

 **leader:** but you were a lost cause early in life chan has potential so stay away 

**yoshi:** shownu wouldnt tReAt me like this

 **eissah:** go join monsta x

**yoshi:**

**yoshi:**

**yoshi:**

**yoshi:** k

 **intellectual** : These eggs are a little burned

 **leader:** all of you are just a bunch of disappointments

 **intellectual:** Oh.

 **lilvern:** my new track on soundcloud is up its fire

 **cute™:** can we hear it??

 **lilvern:** sorry cant give out links pledis might find out abt it

 **peekaboo:** i heard it its good

 **cute™:** :(( i wish i could

 **god:** you should feature me on a song everyone will love me

 **eissah:** no one wants to love u

 **god:** FALSE INFO wonwoo loves me

 **god:** wonwoo ☆*✲ﾟ*｡(((´♡‿♡`+)))｡*ﾟ✲*☆

**_intellectual has left the chat_ **

**_cute™ has added intellectual to the chat_ **

**god** : k wow

 **intellectual:** sorry jun bby ilysm you are my world (♥‿♥)

 **god:** sounds fake

 **intellectual:** Sorry soonyoung stole my phone


	3. rebellious phase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big spiders, love doctor, & drugs

**yoshi:** YO WHERE IS YATES

**jfromla:** good afternoon to you too soon

**snake:** the fuck is a yates??

**chan:** king young jesus??

**yoshi:** NOOO

**god:** get out of my room Now

**leader:** chan

**chan:** what’s up

**leader:** what’s up is my blood pressure so tell your brother to stop yelling 

**cute™:** XD

**chan:** kk

**leader:** why is that so funny dokyeom??

**cute™:** bc u sound old

**leader:** and your high notes sound like forks scratching a plate. are we done pointing out the obvious?

**cute™:** o uhm,

**jfromla:** its ok buddy *pats back*

**yoshi:** IF I DONT FIND YATES IM GONNA DRINK DIRTY DOODOO WATER

**eissah:** wtf lol

**eissah:** why do you need to find him so bad??

**yoshi:** WELL UHM

**leader:** well uhm what kwon soonyoung??

**god:** ooouuu he used your full name(≖ᴗ≖✿) 

**cute™:** i don’t like scary seungcheol T^T

**eissah:** p sure ik where this is heading lol

**jfromla:** I’m not even gonna be surprised 

**yoshi:** OKOK DONT GET MAD BUH I TRADED MY CRESTED GECKO FOR A BIG ASS SPIDER  && NOW I CANF FIND IT

**peekaboo:** … I’m leaving koreA 

**lilvern:** I have a top bunk so come chill with me

**peekaboo:** what a time to be alive 

**god:** Top ;)

**leader:** so your telling me theres a fucken tarantula someplace in the damn dorm!?

**yoshi:** YUSH

**god:** kills you in chinese

**eissah:** me  & shua thought it was drug related

**yoshi:** oh yeah I lost my weed two

**jfromla:** woop there it is

**leader:** CHAN

**chan:** chill I don’t smoke lmaoo 

**leader:** GOOD FUCK U SOONYOUNG

**fangyu:** that creature better stay the fuck away bc I’m watching a new lifetime movie in the living room

**eissah:** ay i wanna watch

**fangyu:** I may be tall but there’s plenty of room for you

**snake:** regurgitate 

**jfromla:** shhh regina george 

**snake:** before you talk take a look at your hair

**jfromla:** touché 

**god:** GUYS where’s my husband??

**intellectual:** I really love IU

**intellectual:** Autumn morning and secret garden are beautiful 

**snake:** understandable 

**seungkwan:** masterpieces 

**lilvern:** gay

**intellectual:** And you’re not?

**lilvern:** uhhh gotta blast

**peekaboo:** in his rocket

**god:** well of course wonwoo is gay what man wouldnt be gay for me

**peekaboo:** hate to break it to you but,

**intellectual:** I was just trying to have a positive convo about IU

**jihoon:** You should have not been expecting anything positive from this chat.

**god:** stop lurking u demon

**chan:** hyung what they saying in this vine??

_**chan has sent a video** _

**jfromla:** ”thank you all for coming to my easter dinner I just wanna say ass and titties“ that’s inappropriate dino smh

**chan:** this whole gc is inappropriate lmaoo

**leader:** I- 

**leader:** I’ve been exposing my only child to explicit innuendos 

**god:** he thinks he only has One childㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

**leader:** sorry I can’t hear in the dark

**god:** idc fuck u

**snake:** rebellious phase

_**eissah changed jfromla’s user to translator** _

**eissah:** lol 

**snake:** who’s man is this??

**peekaboo:** yeah! does any1 know where mingyu is? like i have no idea

**cute™:** same hereee I mean~

**fangyu:** severely fuck off u two don’t know the meaning of subtle

**eissah:** wow I can’t read korean anymore lol

**fangyu:** I gtg feed jane lynch 

_**fangyu has left the chat** _

**cute™:** what a man child LMAOO

**peekaboo:** awh he got embarrassed :(

**god:** who cares,,, he’s just the tall one of the group anyways 

**eissah:** shut up mingyu is great *pouts*

**god:** sorreh bb i wont roast him in front of you

_**eissah has added fangyu back into the chat** _

**fangyu:** IM NOT SOFT NOPE 

**jihoon:** I found the spider. It’s on my chair in the studio. I cannot work until someone gets it. Soon?

**yoshi:** SHET IMMA COMING BABE KEEP UR EYES ON IT

**cute™:** HHAHA

**peekaboo:** hope he releases that demon from our dwelling

**god:** i hope the fuck so

**chan:** I don’t think he realized what he typed sighs

**snake:** respond to my NUDES U FUKK

**translator:** I’m-

**snake:** IM COMING UPSTAIRS TO BEAT UR ASS

**translator:** pls don’t

**cute™:** stop lying we know ur a pimp joshua

**snake:** I love me my pimp man ;)))

**intellectual:** Probably doesn’t even know what a pimp is 

**god:** I LOVE U SM 100/10

**fangyu:** this is gross

**peekaboo:** i think we should see the love doctor pal

**cute™:** i am free all week brothers 

**leader:** why are all my children dating each other??

**3:04 a.m.**

**in chinese**

**god:** mingyu is gross

**eissah:** why at 3am

**god:** but do you disagree 

**god:** that crusty giant used my toothbrush by accident and waited days to tell me

**eissah:** burn it and bleach ur mouth no one deserves those diseases 

**_in korean_ **

**fangyu:** is that my name in chinese 

**eissah:** no


	4. gang sign tutorials

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my co writer is the shit

**cute™:** hello

 **peekaboo:** nice adele reference 

**god:** excuse u he could’ve been referencing Hello, track 11 of seventeens second full album Teen, Age

 **fangyu:** yeah

 **god:** fuck off

 **fangyu:** i have feelings

 **jihoon:** I think he just meant hello.

 **peekaboo:** i was just making a joke chill

 **jihoon:** Chill?

 **cute™:** HI how is everyone 

**god:** good <3

 **chan** : disney channel outranges me

 **god:** same they make no shows for guys when obvi they watch it

 **chan:** fr not everyone likes action and skate boarding 

**eissah:** make a petition 

**lilvern:** I’m watching gang sign tutorials

 **jfromla:** yo dats my shit

 **yoshi:** tf i thought i was shady af

 **jihoon:** You guys are fucking idiots.

_**snake has changed jihoon’s user to short1** _

**snake:** and UR short and mean  >:)

 **god:** yeah we don’t need OR deserve ur shit boi (ฅ⁍̴̀◊⁍̴́)و ̑̑ 

**short1:** Shut up assholes.

 **Intellectual:** Why did I just witness a garbage can slide down the stairs?

 **Intellectual:** Chan just wobbled out of it?

 **chan:** ded

 **yoshi:** fukkin sick

 **short1:** How the fuck do I change the name?!

 **cute™:** LOL

 **fangyu:** im sending in my prayers early today

 **jfromla:** u called 

**eissah:** no one likes you lol

 **jfromla:** cool

 **snake:** remove yourself from the presence of such a fine specimen such as Jisoo “Joshua” Hong you are not worthy 

**god:** no one wants his crusty ass

 **peekaboo:** fedex him back to al lay  >v<

 **jfromla:** IT’s LA los angeles

 **peekaboo:** ik we’ve been to los angles before geez

 **cute™:** PSHSNSKD

_**cute has changed jfromla’s user to los angles** _

**short1:** That is not how you spell Los Angeles.

 **chan:** wait does that mean we have to change hansols to new york??

 **lilvern:** DOMT TOUCH MY USERNAM E

 **lilvern:** I moved to korea when I was FUKKIN FIVE

 **peekaboo:** he’s holding back tears

 **lilvern:** NO I’M NOT

_**los angles has changed their user to translator** _

**snake:** seungkwan, please calm your boyfriend down

 **peekaboo:** the audacity, us? dating? you have it all wrong we are simply close friends, we have been close friends since debut. us? dating? BOYFRIENDS? who gave you that idea frankly im appalled you think i would drop my standards so low. we- FRIENDS. how do i know your not the one in love with him? is joshua not enough?

 **snake:** 1\. me and jisoo are happily married, 4 years, 2 childs on the way 2. u need help

 **lilvern:** so I’m low standards 

**lilvern:** that’s p shitty

 **eissah:** dude he complimented ur ass

 **translator:** wait what

 **fangyu:** i never facepalmed harder in my life

 **cute™:** smh

 **leader:** can you guys listen to your father and be nice to each other

 **god:** we are tho dad

_**snake has changed leader’s user to papi** _

**papi:** I am not hispanic 

**snake:** hehe

 **papi:** you are a fucker i hope you know that

 **eissah:** leave dad alone he’s lit af

 **snake:** stop kissing Ass

 **eissah:** i would never kiss u ew

 **snake:** shut your ass up minghao 

**snake:** u look like dat dumbass who remade the beyonce video

 **cute™:** ohmygod XD

 **fangyu:** why is that so accurate 

**god:** i am so sorry for laughibg

 **eissah:** bye dumbfucks

 **papi:** where is the adopted one

 **yoshi:** where is jihoon

 **short1:** Still don’t know how to change this fucking thing.

 **yoshi:** oh i gotcha ;)

_**yoshi has changed short1’s user to jihoon** _

**yoshi:** i starting watching the karadasian ppl show its good

 **papi:** oh yeah

 **papi:** i don’t give a shit

 **jihoon:** Thank you.

 **yoshi:** awh ur welcome ~~~ <333

 **yoshi:** ALSO dad who pissed in ur cornflakes 

**papi:** YOUR STUPID ASS SIBLINGS 

**papi:** LITERALLY 

**chan:** I put a sticky note on the bowl geez

 **peekaboo:** never stepping foot into the kitchen again 

**translator:** pledis just dyed my hair brown

 **snake:** same bb

 **translator:** we don’t look like the hitachiin twins anymore :(

 **snake:** ik ik it’s tragic 

**eissah:** y’all look like caucasian country club members 

**snake:** and U look like one of those squeaky rubber chickens

 **eissah:** fuck u guys I’m not crying

 **fangyu:** awh don’t cry ;(

 **fangyu:** ur neck isn’t that long it just looks like that bc ur talk

 **eissah:** ur lying lol

 **fangyu:** alittle

 **eissah:** that’s cute

 **cute™:** mingyu just slammed his hand in a drawer 

**cute™:** now he’s shrieking PSH

 **eissah:** :0

 **snake:** the jolly green giant deserves it

 **cute™:** tsk don’t be so harsh angel

 **snake:** I AM the mom I can do what I want this creates character 

**yoshi:** in what parenting book??

 **snake:** IN MINE BITCH

 **chan:** oh we should pick it up at barnes  & noble

 **snake:** U R FUCKEN GROUNDED

 **chan:** wym pledis doesn’t let me go anywhere 

**snake:** STILL

 **papi:** I miss my kweens pristin 

**translator:** uh i think they were scared of you…

 **papi:** I’m calling the orphanage in the morning 

**translator:** great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments/suggestions are welcome guysss i have a twitter too it’s @whimsical_babe. i swear i am nice ;v;


End file.
